You know how Oreo started spitting out weird flavors a while back? Gingerbread, Lemon Twist, Candy Corn, and even Fruit Punch. Hey, they didn’t have to be great as long as you bought that one bag to try. Birthday Cake Oreo sucked? Well, here comes Watermelon and the ones that taste like regular Oreos but have yellow filling for some damned reason. Just keep dropping $2.98 of disposable income and they’ll keep making them.
Like Oreos, Ritz Crackers are made by Nabisco (aka Mondelēz International) and that division has gotten into the act. This weekend, I found both Everything (Bagel) Ritz and, a little behind the curve, Bacon Ritz.
“Everything” is dried onion, poppy seed, garlic, and sea salt – and it’s pretty close to the spice mix in an actual bagel. It actually reminds me of the days before fresh bread in restaurants and you’d get a basket full of various crackers. If you could put the onion breadsticks, Captain’s Wafers, and poppy seed water wheels into one cracker, this would be it.
Everything Ritz also come in eight half-sleeves instead of four long sleeves, because you’re going to pace yourself and you want the rest of the box to stay fresh and not shovel them all into your head in a single weekend, right?
Bacon Ritz don’t actually have any bacon. In fact, they’re both vegetarian and kosher. So, yay? I actually like these too, but I don’t think they taste like bacon. Because they also include black pepper, I’d say the flavor is closer to summer sausage. Now you don’t have to wait until Christmas for a Hickory Farms to reappear at the mall and feed your unrefrigerated sausage fix.
A word, Mondelēz. If you try to convince me that Fruit Punch Ritz are a good idea, I’m not biting … probably.